Conservative Book Talk

Contents: This book is a collection of short stories composed by four authors from readers who have sent them in, or just stories they have found.

The stories are in ten different sections “On Love,” “A Mother’s Guiding Hand,” “A Mother’s Courage,” “On Motherhood,” “Becoming a Mother,” “Special Moments,” “Miracles,” “Letting Go,” “A Grandmothers Love,” and “Thank You Mom.” (As you may have noticed, this book is directed toward women, but men will like it too, I think)

I love this book, it was a great read. The stories are so inspiring and funny, a few are sad, but inspiring at the same time. It makes you look at your mother, and grandmother, in an entirely new fashion.

One story in particular concerns grandmothers, and how they seem to have all the time in the world for their grandchildren. They don’t brush them away, or skip pages when reading a book, and are willing to read the same book repeatedly. That made me look at the way I treat my four-year-old cousin in an entirely new way. I have been trying to make sure that taking a few minutes to read a book does not become a frustration in my busy day, but a time to teach and spend time with him.

Most of these stories include something happening that shows the child just how much their mother loves them. This, I think, brings out the point that underlines all these stories; you must spend time with your children if you want a lasting relationship. One mother sent love notes with each of her children, every single day, without fail, even when they grew older and said they did not need them. All her children took that little action of love with them for the rest of their lives.

You only have one life to live, so live it in a way that brings glory to God and joy to others.

Tags: Chicken Soup for the Mothers Soul, General, Hannasus, Personal Development

Note: Not sure if this properly published last week; so here it is again. Matt Gardenghi

Sadly, many assume that a woman who has same-sex attraction is easy to peg—easy to spot. They assume that this type of woman is “ugly,” “bra-burning,” and “man hating.” In The Heart of Female Same-Sex Attraction: A Comprehensive Counseling Resource, Janelle Hallman argues that there are many more women than just those conceived stereotypes struggling with same-sex attraction. After years of counseling women with SSA, Hallman has written a book that explores the causation, different expressions, and methods of counseling women with SSA.

The Heart is divided up into two parts, “The Building Blocks: Understanding Their Stories” and “The Work of Restoration: Leading Them Home.” The first section explores causation, the therapist or counselor relationship, codependency issues, and contributing social and familial issues. The second section weaves together stories of Hallman’s clients with practical applications of “how to” help women who find themselves with SSA.

Hallman begins by destroying the idea of the stereotypical radical lesbian. In her prologue she discusses the beginning of her interest in helping these women. While in a women’s Bible study, she saw two women confess that they had “crossed the typical physical and emotional boundaries of friendship” (p. 11). Apparently, these women were not “that type,” and yet they had fallen to this behavior. With this impetus, Hallman discovered that “every woman with SSA is unique . . . in how she experiences her same-sex attraction” (p. 23). Contrary to what the stereotype may be, Hallman’s clients range from 25-50, single and married, parents and grandparents. These women struggling with same-sex attraction will often express it in ways that do not always include physical activity. At times their SSA will be manifest in relationships that are emotionally dependent and destructive in their introspection.

Unlike men who deal with homosexuality, women’s expressions of SSA rarely have a root in physical attachment, but are more enmeshed in the realm of emotional dependency and satisfaction. “The relationship is about connection” (p. 106). The web of varying SSA behavior seems ultimately to be attached to the events of the woman’s past, including but not limited to childhood experiences. Hallman cites numerous experiences with her clients as well as other scientific studies that lead her to this assertion. When a woman looks to “another woman . . . to survive or adapt to unresolved childhood deficits and traumas, she can inadvertently become extremely emotionally dependent on her friend and block or negate her own autonomous growth and healing process” (p. 100). A harmful childhood is not the only contributing factor to SSA, but one of many. The message throughout The Heart is that female same-sex attraction must be confronted as one peels an onion—slowly and deliberately breaking through the layers.

In the book’s second section of practical applications, Hallman presents four steps for the counselor or therapist to lead the client through. She reminds the reader that it often takes months, if not years for women to see lasting and meaningful change in this area. There isn’t an “SSA switch” that can be flipped. Change comes through the transformation and renewing of the woman’s mind. The four suggested steps include: Formation, Transformation, Integration, and Consolidation and Maturity. Hallman spends several chapters on each explaining how the counselor can walk the client through this laborious and rewarding process.

Because women are so relationally oriented, Hallman urges the counselor or therapist to be unconditionally accepting of the woman herself. Some readers may be uncomfortable with this perspective or see it as “too soft on sin.” She, however, argues that for the counselor to succeed in challenging, and assisting in changed behavior, the counselor must provide a warm and welcoming environment so that the first stage of healing, Formation, can be reached (p. 118). These hesitant readers would do well to remember what Christ did in dealing with another woman caught up in sexual sin; He focused on the nature of who she was, not the mere act of her sin (John 8).

Perhaps due to our permissive society, the evilness of our hearts, or pervasive abuse, there seems to be growing amount of women dealing with same-sex attraction. I have known several women who would self-identify as lesbians. But I have known more women who engage in destructive, “canabalistic” female friendships that ended in pain and heartache (p. 105). Some of these women were single and some were married; all of them considered themselves Christians. Yet, they engaged in inappropriate emotional relationships, turning their friend into an idol (p. 101); someone who they hoped would give them a reason for being. It was because of these women that I wanted to read this book. Anyone who is in a counseling position, be it a man or woman, would benefit from this book including Sunday school teachers, Bible study leaders, pastors, and counselors.

In the end there is hope. A woman can walk through this “lengthy process in which she reclaims, piece by piece, her heart and her soul, which have been deposited or housed in the other woman. She must salvage the threads of her true self and reknit them around new perceptions, impressions and beliefs that arise out of a corrective experience of love, support and acceptance” (p. 114). A love ultimately found in God, not another person.

Tags: Counseling, Janelle Hallman, Katherine, Same-Sex Attraction

Originally written by William Strunk, once an English professor at Cornel University, “The Elements of Style” was later revised by E.B White. The latter took an English course from professor Strunk thirty-eight years before he revised tis small book.

The authors tell you the basics of proper writing, the do’s and don’ts, as well as some tips to on clarity and how to keep your writing constant. I particularly enjoyed the author’s style. Whenever they instructed the reader in certain areas, such as the do’s and don’ts, it was always followed by a written example. In my case, in order for my to learn best, I need an example to go on, otherwise I tend to forget part of the lesson. Also, they explained the reason some words were better than others, for clarity and conciseness.

The authors exhort their readers to be consistent in the use of their words; like if you have a character that has a Scottish accent, be sure to be consistent in that persons speech. If he says a word one way, do not write it another way the next time he says it.

Another example of inconsistency, is when two or more characters are speaking with one another and you do not clarify who is speaking. Such inconsistency can confuse the reader, and make him or her read back several paragraphs to find who is speaking. (I have had to do this in a few books I read, it was quite annoying.)

One more admirable aspect of this small book, is that it is small. I don’t know about you, but I can read a lot of little books on writing; if its long it tends to get tiring. This small book keeps itself humorous, instructive and concise.

Seeing my growing interest in writing, my mother gave this book to me to read for school. I found it very enlightening, and saw my writing improving every time I sat down to write. The two authors do an excellent job of instructing the reader on the elements of style; I did not find it at all boring. In fact it was quite amazing to read what they had to say, and all in a short ninety-five pages.

I highly recommend this book to any and all students who write for school, or aspiring authors.

Tags: E. B. White, Elements of Style, Hannasus, Literature, Strunk, Writing